Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Two words: blizzard sex
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
