very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
