The best revenge is premature balding
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
