New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
