I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
