Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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