are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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