We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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