Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
