we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Randomize
