i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
