Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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