12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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