hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
