he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
