I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
