remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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