I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
