She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Randomize