he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Randomize
