Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize