My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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