wakey wakey hands off snakey
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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