I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
