ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
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