forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Damn victory sex feels great
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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