Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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