i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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