You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
