Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
