did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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