Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
