Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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