did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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