Buhtt sex?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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