you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
