dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
