I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize