8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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