Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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