you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
