today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
please don't ironically join a cult
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