i already hear my dad disowning me
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize