there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
