My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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