i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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