i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
