White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
