he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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