its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
