you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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