How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
