Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
