I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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