Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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