I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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