can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
