it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
