Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
