would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just forgot I was standing up.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
