i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
