someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
