i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize