My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
