I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
