Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
