i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
This toilet bowl is my home.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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