Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
