woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
