guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
