Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
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i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
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I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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